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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28734831">What Never Was, Is Now</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/androktasia/pseuds/androktasia'>androktasia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hair-pulling, Jack's canonical fixation with death, Jack's canonical praise kink, Kissing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:53:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,561</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28734831</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/androktasia/pseuds/androktasia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack dies, again, and the Doctor saves him.</p><p>This is the aftermath.</p><p>--</p><p>It was time to get up, perhaps. Groaning, creaking, he pulled himself to a sitting position, twisting around so that they were facing one another, cross-legged. “Thank you,” he said, as if it meant anything, as if she would ever accept it. Even though it was new, he knew the nooks and crannies of her face, the pain and tension wrought into it, the brittle facade of a weapon forged of resistant steel. </p><p>“Ah,” said the Doctor, on cue, “no need for that. What’s a bit of saving your life between friends?”</p><p>“Are we?” asked Jack. “Friends?”</p><p>“Oh,” she said, stricken. “Of course we are.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thirteenth Doctor/Jack Harkness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What Never Was, Is Now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title from Ovid's <i>Metamorphoses</i> - which is something I think of in relation to Doctor Who, a LOT. The full passage: </p><p>  <i>As wave is driven by wave<br/>And each, pursued, pursues the wave ahead,<br/>So time flies on and follows, flies, and follows,<br/>Always, for ever and new. What was before<br/>Is left behind; what never was is now;<br/>And every passing moment is renewed.</i></p><p>--</p><p>I have my issues with the New Year special, but I was soooooo happy to have Jack back with the Doctor, where he deserves to be. Here's an alternate universe where he decided to stay with her afterwards, and the rest of the fam did as well. Worldbuilding? Minimal. Musings on death? M.. Maximal??</p><p>Anyway. Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack woke up from death with a wheeze and a shudder, his soul sliding bitterly back into his chest.</p><p>It was always a cold thing, death, and as often as he’d done it he still felt a hot prickle in the corner of his eyes as his body twitched back to life, resentful, and realised it still had to breathe, to work, to move.</p><p>He blinked away the threatened tears and looked up at the blurry ceiling coming slowly into focus – ah, he thought, so he was indoors then. Not really sure where, but it was quite calm, quite quiet. There was a metallic tang in the air, and a gentle thrum of engines whirring beneath the floor, humming their melancholy tune. Letting out a slow breath, Jack let it soothe him, feeling more and more present in his body as he catalogued the faint vibrations in his hands, his fingertips, shimmering up to his elbows.</p><p>Gradually, he became aware of a hand stroking gently through his hair, and tilted his head back. There was a blonde smear bent over him. He blinked again, faster this time.</p><p>“Doctor?” he croaked. His head was rested in her lap, he realised.</p><p>“Hi Jack,” she said, smiling at him. “Back online?”</p><p>“Getting there.” He struggled slightly, trying to sit up, but before he could, the Doctor clenched her fist in his hair, holding him fast.</p><p>He gasped. “Guh.”</p><p>The Doctor’s mouth was tight and pursed, her undereyes a blue purple smudge, and the deep furrow of her brow left a line Jack wished he could wipe away. She permitted his examination, watching him with glittering eyes that hardened when he met them with his own. Her voice was quiet when she spoke. “The Arsul crew are all dead.”</p><p>“All of them?” he asked, tongue a thick slab in his mouth. The Doctor was still tugging lightly on his hair.</p><p>She hummed. “They killed my friend.”</p><p>Jack let out a snort. “I’m immortal.”</p><p>“They’ve killed a lot of other people besides.”</p><p>“I’m not judging you,” he said. “I would never.” He swallowed, turned his head to the side. The Doctor scratched the short, bristly hairs at the base of his neck. They were in the TARDIS, he realised, late, late – he always noticed things too late. But of course they were. Where else would she go?</p><p>His cheeks tugged into a smile. “How did we get here then?”</p><p>They’d been in the middle of a fight, stuck in the middle of the Arsul ship with the TARDIS behind two locked doors. It was a deathtrap, enemy troops around every corner. Jack couldn’t count how many he’d shot, how many broken bodies he’d caused to drop to the floor; couldn’t count the lives he’d taken.</p><p>Then, of course, he’d died.</p><p>“I carried you.”</p><p>“Huh,” he said, turning onto his back again. The Doctor started stroking down the soft hair on the sides of his temples, where he knew he was getting grey.</p><p>
  <em>Don’t think about that.</em>
</p><p>“You weren’t waking up.”</p><p>Jack gave her a rueful look. “It takes longer, these days – it used to be instant, you know that. I don’t know what that means, for me.” He swallowed. “Whether I’m slowing down, if I just take longer to heal. Or whether it’s that – whatever magic it is that fuels me is running out.” It was something he tried to avoid thinking about. If it took him ten minutes to wake up now, what about when it took hours? Days? Months? What if he died, and his body was found by someone who didn’t know about his curse, who didn’t know he would breathe again? They would bury him, perhaps. He’d wake up with dirt in his mouth and have to crawl through the earth back to the air and the sky.</p><p>A worse thought was that they would cremate him.</p><p>He remembered burning, before. Remembered the agonising endlessness of his flesh stitching itself back together, the prickling of skin grafting onto muscle, of bones cracking whole again.</p><p>“Hm,” the Doctor said. “You were pretty banged up.”</p><p>He put his thoughts away, grinned rakishly. “You carried me in your arms? Like a damsel in distress? You always liked those.”</p><p>“Still do!” the Doctor admitted. “But I was dragging you by your armpits, so it probably looked less romantic than it used to.”</p><p>“Getting frail in your old age, are you?”</p><p>“I’m very strong!” she protested. “I’ve had two thousand years to work on these guns.” She slapped her biceps.</p><p>Jack turned his head slightly and squinted at them. “Sorry, what am I meant to be looking at?”</p><p>“Get lost!” she squawked. But good humour tugged at the corners of her eyes.</p><p>It was time to get up, perhaps. Groaning, creaking, he pulled himself to a sitting position, twisting around so that they were facing one another, cross-legged. “Thank you,” he said, as if it meant anything, as if she would ever accept it. Even though it was new, he knew the nooks and crannies of her face, the pain and tension wrought into it, the brittle facade of a weapon forged of resistant steel.</p><p>“Ah,” said the Doctor, on cue, “no need for that. What’s a bit of saving your life between friends?”</p><p>“Are we?” asked Jack. “Friends?”</p><p>“Oh,” she said, stricken. “Of course we are.” She reached out and took his hand in hers, oddly small, and for a moment, she allowed him to examine it, turning it over, taking in the ragged edges of her nails, the rough calluses of her fingertips. Then she tugged at him until he tumbled towards her, and he fell into her embrace.</p><p>Jack’s chest hitched. He held his breath for a long moment, before allowing himself to sink into her, burying his nose in her neck and tightening his arms, until they were chest to chest. He was crying a little, he noticed. Not loud, not obvious, and he didn’t really know why, but his eyes were wet and leaking, dampening her shirt, her skin.</p><p>“Jack,” said the Doctor, after a while. “Oh, Jack.” She pulled back, cupped his face with her hands. Then she leant forward and kissed him.</p><p>It was brief and chaste, just a dry press of lips together, over in a second.</p><p>“Oh,” Jack said, the noise pulled out of him. “Oh – can I –?” He surged forward again, taking her mouth in his. He could taste her, feel their breath mixing together; hot air that they swirled and shared between them. She wrapped a hand around his neck and kept it there, whispering through his hair, a gentle pressure that made his head go fuzzy and soft.</p><p>The Doctor pulled back a little, their lips sliding apart with a slight slick sound.</p><p>“That’s good,” she murmured, “you’re so good, Jack.”</p><p>Jack made a strangled noise and pressed forward again, and they kissed and kissed and kissed, and it felt so good, so warm, the tiny sounds she was making fueling him on and on, his brain emptying out <em>finally </em>and he could just – feel good, in his body, without everything else that had built up in it. He raised a hand, cradled her jaw, and it was so deeply intimate – he could feel her pulse pounding against his palm, feel the bones of her neck, so fragile, so delicate. <em>She trusts me</em>, he thought, <em>she trusts me she trusts me</em>. He groaned, deep in his throat.</p><p>She didn’t stop kissing him, and he lost track of time. It passed, slowly or quickly, it didn’t matter. Jack’s brain was finally quiet.</p><p>When they eventually broke apart, he just looked at her, disbelieving. “You never – before –” He cut off, staring at her mouth, wet and shiny. <em>I did that</em>, he thought, <em>I did that to her.</em> </p><p>“Neither did you.” The Doctor’s face was calm and open, relaxed, but her voice was hoarse. <em>I did that.</em></p><p>“I wanted to.”</p><p>She averted her eyes. “I know,” she said softly. Then she straightened up and brushed down her clothes. Jack stayed sat for the moment while she went over to the console. He watched her, saw how she settled into her skin as she ran her fingers over the controls.</p><p>“I need to know, Doctor,” he said after a moment, “was that just a one time thing?” He could bear it, if it was. But – he wanted to know if he would have to.</p><p>The Doctor flushed red and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Not – not if you don’t want it to be,” she said.</p><p>Heart beating double-time, Jack shook his head. “I don’t.”</p><p>“I – good. Good.” <em>Now </em>she was flustered. He ducked his head to hide his smile.</p><p>“We should probably go and get the others,” he said.</p><p>The Doctor coughed, fiddling with some buttons on the console. “Yeah – they’re in – they’re – we left them in that bar, didn’t we.”</p><p>“We sure did,” Jack said. “Ryan’s probably got Nk’obeads crawling all over him by this point.”</p><p>“Yeah, let’s rescue him.”</p><p>“I mean, we can point and laugh for a bit, right?”</p><p>“Of course, that’s the best part.”</p><p>At last, Jack stretched his legs out under himself and stood, joining her at the console. They shared a long look, and Jack grinned, the blood in his veins singing, hot and wild.</p><p>“Let’s go,” she said, and they did.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Me [despising coming up with new names for things]: I think I will call these aliens 'arseholes', and these other aliens 'knobheads'. </p><p>--</p><p>Thanks for reading! Your comments and kudos are much appreciated.</p><p>You can find me on tumblr at <a href="http://petercapaldish.tumblr.com/">petercapaldish</a>, if you like.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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